Smile

Even though things are going quite alright, I don't know what's bothering me. Is it that others have high expectations and that I'm afraid I can not live up to them? No, it's fucking not. Because the only expectations I have to live up to, are mine. It'd be a lot better if no one ever expected anything. You'd be surprised all the time and not let down.

I understand teens, maybe it's because I was one just a few years ago. Maybe because I still feel like one. I still feel like I can't make a decision, I still feel useless and I still don't know what I want to do in the future. You have to make these decisions in high school, in the 2nd year of high school. That's too early. It's not normal.

People judge all the people all the time. "You're 21, shouldn't you be working now? Shouldn't you be thinking about getting married already?" no. That was 20 years ago, it was different back then. Obviously you don't know shit about how hard it is to find a normal job.

I can feel the weight of the world resting on my shoulders and it's about to collapse. Why? Because the world is so fucking judgemental and I'm actually going insane over it. I don't live up to other people's expectations because that's total bullshit. Why would I? It won't make me feel better about myself, it will make the people feel better about me. But you know what, I can't satisfy everyone. There's only one person in this entire fucked up world I want to feel good about me; and that is me. It may sound dumb and foolish but I don't give a flying fuck.

It's just the judgement every fucking day. "You should do this, you should do that" NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I don't WANT to do that. I want to do what I want. But if I continue doing that I'll be fucking miserable. Should I just pretend to be someone else, just so I have a good shot at having a normal future? No. I don't think so. I don't think I have to change. I don't think I have to start thinking inside the box, in stead of outside the box. I don't think I need to do anything I don't want to.

I'm already about 400% done with this entire fucking world and I'm only 21 years old. I actually feel sorry for people younger than me. But am I going to leave? No I'm fucking not. I'm going to show everyone I can do it by myself, I don't need your fucking stupid support. Just take one look at how miserable your life is and then talk about mine. I can do it on my own, I know at least 5 people have my back. That's enough. I get joy out of things such as concerts and meeting new awesome people. I like it when people appreciate me for what I do and who I am. I don't care if that's 2 people or 200.

I am here on this world for myself and for people that care about me. I am here to make my life, my life. I am here to live my life my way. I am here to hopefully help you someday, finding your way in life and maybe make you smile every once in a while.

This all may have sounded pretty depressing but I didn't mean it that way. I'm just really glad I have this blog and I can let you read about what I have to say. I hope some things change your views on things.