If I didn't know any better, I'd start telling myself I'm a failure. I'd start to convince myself it's all my fault. Well it isn't, not all of it.
I still have not been able to find a proper job, a job that lasts longer than 5 months. A job that makes me think I actually am capable of having a future. A job that makes me think I can have a home of myself someday. A job that makes me think I can at least take care of me and my dad when it's just us 2 in the near future.
So many weird things have been happening in the last year, it almost feels like it's a soap I'm watching. It feels like my life is one of those lives you see in series on Netflix. It doesn't feel like my life. And the hard truth is that it is. I can't press play, pause or rewind. I can't even decide the volume.
It's kinda weird to know what it's like to have your life lead by someone. Because a big part of mine is being lead by 2 people who made a big decision just last week. And I have to take time to adjust to that. And I need money to adjust to that situation, money I can't seem to earn because I can not get a proper job.
It's a circle. I need this, in order to do that, so I can do this.
maandag 8 augustus 2016
donderdag 4 augustus 2016
It's theirs.
Sometimes change is good. Most of the time, actually. It pushes you out of your comfort zone, on your way to a new, bigger comfort zone. And I'm not sure if that's happening right now, but it could be happening. Where one door closes, another one opens. In this case, literally. I do not really care for closing & opening doors, though. I care for doors that will close and open whenever I want them to. I care for doors that will never be locked.
A future is something you create for yourself, with influences from people whom you have met throughout your life. And when someone is creating your future for you, you have all the rights to take back that control and say "Stop. This is it". Because if you don't, they will continue to do it for you as if you're still 3 years old. And you are not, because you must be a very special 3 year old if you read this blog.
Find comfort in the things you do, so you can be at peace with the things others do. Because it's not your life, it's theirs.
A future is something you create for yourself, with influences from people whom you have met throughout your life. And when someone is creating your future for you, you have all the rights to take back that control and say "Stop. This is it". Because if you don't, they will continue to do it for you as if you're still 3 years old. And you are not, because you must be a very special 3 year old if you read this blog.
Find comfort in the things you do, so you can be at peace with the things others do. Because it's not your life, it's theirs.
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